Buck

I don't even know where to begin with this. I am distraught, lost, and terribly heartbroken.

When Buck was 6-8 weeks old we found him at the city pound. He was the pick between two different puppies; one a rambunctious little brindle and the other dopey Buck. My husband chose Buck because Buck wasn't running around like an idiot, Buck was generally happy enough to just be lazy. He even sat down in the aisle ways and just looked at us like "So I'm leaving here right?" Buck also was being picked on by a pit bull that was in the cage with him, which was cute because Buck just sorta sat there and took the abuse with his classic "oh man this sucks" attitude.

We brought Buck home about a week later and he terrorized our older dog. She hated him in the beginning because she was 10 and he was just a tiny energy filled puppy. He always fought dirty, as my husband called it, because he would run under her and bite her legs. Eventually, after a few months, the two dogs learned to like each other and so the next five years were all a big happy family.

Buck would go camping with us, to the farm with us, learned how to ride in the bed of a truck, always went hiking, I loved to take him everywhere, he became a shop dog, he went to work with me, and he was just as happy to sit on the couch and watch tv with me. Buck also had a knack for sitting on your feet and if you were laying cross legged on the floor, Buck had to be sitting on your lap. (Buck didn't fit mind you. He was only 124lbs..)

Buck had fans. People who loved him and people that always said they would take him if I could no longer keep him. That always made me feel so proud that Buck pretty much had everyone wrapped around his big dumb head. He was a momma's boy though, he always put me first. My husband was a close second.

On Tuesday Buck started vomiting. On Weds, Buck was still vomiting and now having some diarrhea but would still eat. On Thursday, Buck refused all food. It was obvious that he was in pain. We took Buck to the vet Thursday night and the x-rays showed that Bucks intestines were full of gas and were bloated, but there was no impactions or anything. He also had blood in his rectum. The vet kept him overnight for observation and bloodwork.

Bloodwork came back normal yesterday morning. Bucks intestines though, when he was re-xrayed, were about 3 times larger than Thursdays and were twisting around themselves. The vet said the only option is exploratory surgery and even then it might not find the cause. He also gave us a quote to do the surgery and Bucks chances for survival weren't great either option we went.

I made the worst decision of my life so far. I chose to euthanize Buck. I'm at a loss for what I have done. I had to chose between my baby growing in me and my best friend Buck. I wasn't sure how far into savings I would have to go to save Buck, if I even could. I also knew that there was no way I could get that money saved up again by the time the baby comes and I want to make sure that we had the money to cover deductibles on health insurance and have a cushion there if anything happened to the baby that we had to pay for.

I chose my child over my Buck. I feel so lost and empty. Buck was more than just a dog, he was my shoulder to cry on more times than I can count. He was always there to make me feel better. Saying goodbye to him was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I wish he wouldn't have wagged his tail when we said goodbye.

I've never seen my husband tear up, never in the ten years we've been together. This has made us both feel so lost.